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Alternative Uses For a Dildo

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The word ‘dildo’ sends images through my mind of being naughty, horny, and bursting with sexual wildness.  Dildos are something that we usually hide away from prying eyes. What if I told you that a dildo can be a fix all much like duct tape is to the handyman.  So give your dildo a job to do when you’re not using them for self-satisfaction.

My cat destroyed my bedroom doorstop by pouncing on it, hitting, and hissing at it. When the doorstop lost all life and hung its head so sadly, I decided I needed to fix this problem.  So, I rummage through my toy box and took out a suction cup dildo.  I wet the suction cup and forcefully planted that dildo onto the baseboard wall behind my door.  My cat looked at the new door stop, sauntered past it, all the while never breaking her gaze at the dildo.  She paused, slithered back towards it, and with a moment of contemplation, proceeded to stretch her neck and sniff this new appendage.  Confused, and with nails extended, she took a fierce slap at the dildo.  The dildo vibrated and poor pussy hissed and ran for cover.  I guess that penis isn’t getting any pussy today.

More creative ideas for the use of a dildo.  You know when you pop the cork out of a wine bottle and you either have to ram the cork back into the bottle or play hide-and-seek finding it? A while back when I was on a date and my sweetie with the massive . . . ok, he popped out the cork and ‘ping’ it did a nose dive into the litter box.  We either had to find another cork or drink all the wine.  Then it occurred to me that I have a tapered butt plug that would work. An interesting little device.  Worked quite well and gave us a chuckle the more we drank.

Another great use for a dildo is to use that huge honking dildo as bookend. Perfect conversation piece. I have the dildo holding my erotic books. Seemed like the logical solution.

I’m quite bored with the traditional ring toss game so I invented a new game to play. I have one dildo stuck to the freezer part of the fridge and one dildo stuck on the fridge door. While sitting at my table talking to the cat and eating low fat yogurt, I wondered what I wanted as my calorie filled dessert. What I do is, I toss a ring, much larger than the normal little ring, at the fridge and if it catches onto the freezer, I get a frozen treat.  If it catches onto the fridge dildo, I get a different dessert. Silly game but makes dessert fun.

 

How about a bird perch? 

There are more uses for dildos, just use your imagination. The best use of all is that my dildos scare away people who think I need to ‘find Jesus’.

This blog is strictly for entertainment and not intended as advice, just in case you needed a reminder.

 


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